Something in mind.

19/04/2017

Guess I wouldn't be re-using the pink font. I didn't make any post yesterday because it was a particularly busy day, as usual as it seems for this semester that would be ending by next month as I got two class at the same Tuesday unlike the other days. I'm about to finish this 3 years course, that would ended in December. The route traveled through to reach this far isn't particularly lengthy or bothersome fortunately, and my memory is pretty shit that I had forgotten half about the things I'd experienced last year or so anyway. I'm thinking of posting some of my thought in this post that I had been experiencing lately in a discord server, but I'm incapable of structuring a coherent piece that would focused on things after things in an orderly fashion so this rumbling of mine will be truly random and all over the place. Anyway, it's a place where I have been hanging out lately for the past 2 months, I think. It's a great server, filled with good people and a few that I managed to make friends with. I had mentioned this before but those friends there are primarily the reason for the resurrection of my blog, and perhaps, would drive me to return back to working on my novel as well as it has been abandoned for son long. I had always wanted to continue on it but alas, I'm simply too lazy to do it, or I may have no will as nobody is really reading it and I'll remained unmotivated, at least until a few weeks back.

So it is to say, loneliness is a negatively dramatic expression that would impacted just about anybody. It is a sad thing, conjured by the nothingness in life, created by the attention of no one and lingering depression from further emptiness. Well, to say that it isn't that bad like I've described it is inevitable but to believe that there isn't any level to it is wrong, even if there's nobody really saying that. Some out there may felt a tiny speck of quiet, and some would be driven to the edge of insanity due to the feeling alone. For most people, it is part of the basic needs to make for communication, because as proven throughout the history of mankind, talking to others would helped anyone in various ways, and there's no denying that communicating will assist in quelling that feel of loneliness. Certain people might not care if they wouldn't be able to speak with anyone at all, but that's rare alone I believed, due to the fact that everyone out there are given with feeling, though many might disregarded the ability of being able to "feel" for their own self motivation and thinking.

Speaking of myself, I'm a very emotional man, that suffered from loneliness myself in the past, due to past events of abandonment, bullying and severe beating, delivered by someone that I'm still living with in the same household. Fortunate enough, he isn't what he's used to be, but he still make dumb decision there and then which greatly angered me but there's not much for me to do, because they are reaching their 50s and at the very least, it isn't a decision that would make the family fall apart. Going deeper into my personal history shall I not, perhaps at a later date. Being lonely I'm still am, though it may have stemmed from me being purposely immature and needing attention given to me from time to time, even though that I'm a matured adult by now that has reached an age of 23. Not hoping to being seen as an individual that liked to brag, I had come across many obstacles, and undergoes throughout a lot of trials. Honestly however, it wasn't never something that would killed or ruined the heart of even the most bravest men, not worthy of considering suicide for but I knew a lot, read there and that, am familiar with numerous circumstances of self discovery but here I am, still being affected by mere loneliness and lack of attentions. To be honest, I don't actually think that I really knew what loneliness really does meant, because I had never spent that too long of a time without talking or seeing somebody and I'm always surrounded by people these days, and have quite an amount of real life companions. So, its sufficient enough to say that I might be just too goddamn selfish and should probably get shot in the head.

I am not saying that those that liked being noticed of by others are weak of course, as the entire things I'm typing here is of my opinion alone, and shouldn't be taken seriously as it is no word of a wise man, uttered by someone that is unknown from the internet. I think that we, as human beings, should always be with someone, or get into contact into anyone that we cared for, if we could. It isn't so much as that feeling of being alone would help shape you into a more determined being capable of withstanding countless challenges or at the very least, offered you the ability to survive without communication, it is that from talking to others alone that will to transform your life into better things. We learned from our experiences, and it comes in any shape of forms, even in language. I don't think anybody could learn how to passed well in school without the guidance of a teacher, unless they were born as geniuses, that is. Sure, exception remains, and many has been able to go on and on with zero interruption or feedback from anybody, but I doubted that the person would be normal. I'm not asking for anyone to warped themselves into society, if they shan't, as nobody should push a person toward following their own ideology. Honestly, I think that communicating will always be fruitful, be it in either good or bad consequences. For those that had anguished from the fact that interacting with another has caused them miseries in any sort of ways, at the end of the day, they still needed assistance, be it from the doctors of their families. It isn't possible to go on peacefully without communicating alone, and that's perhaps why I'm always sad and bothered that no one would answer me sometimes. Who knew, maybe it is the best way to toughened yourself and be ready for a quiet moment or two. Not much is really set into stone in this world.