I got a personal journal app.

The title said exactly what it is. I downloaded an app from the Play Store that allows me to, well, write a diary without using a pen and wasting papers. I wouldn't mind having to personally write anything with my own hands but in this day and age, it just seems more feasible to depend on your smartphone for pretty much everything. Guess the corporations have succeeded in ingraining that mindset onto every one of us, not that I mind because this gadget I'm holding is just that useful.

With the addition of having the journal, I'm guessing I wouldn't prompt myself to share more of my personal life in this blog anymore. It is still fun just to let my mind wander and I put in every possible thing I could think about here but due to it being open to the public that might somehow stumble upon this blog, yeah, ain't no way I could go into an extra mile in regards to pointing out the incessant amount of details. At best, I'm just gonna use this blog to continue focusing on random things that might worthy of an entire set of paragraphs, that is if I could muster up the determination to continue with this shit. I wouldn't say I don't like doing this, but if it's not obvious enough already by now, it's just me and my problem with laziness. So sad honestly, letting myself be possessed by this bad quality in life, but I'm nobody special, and it just happens. 

Once upon a time, I played GTA SA a lot and modded them as I wished. Nowadays, I haven't played the game all that much, because you can only do so much with a certifiably masterful game but it is still limited on various fronts, albeit overwhelmingly impressive of course to compare it by all the other games back when it came out in 2005. I bought the legal copy for cheap on Steam, but little did I know the version there is quite possibly the worst yet, due to the problem with aspect ratio, and then some that I forgot about. Who knows, maybe I'll try redownloading it and do my best to put in the effort to balance the game on my PC. I'm still having fun with GTA V, and I have the desire of trying it again soon when my desktop could finally be fixed and I'll be adding mods along the way to enhance the experience, but goddammit, the huge-ass filesize is such a turn-off, especially when my internet is still a bastard around here. Years gone passed already and the internet is still shit and yet fucking expensive. Congratulations, Malaysia.

Oh.

Well, currently, I'm at home, just sitting on my bed with darling besides me. Nah, no marriage with an actual person for me because I am still such a full-blown weeb. I'm not even hallucinating either, so if it's possible to take a guess what form she might be. Nonetheless, I'm quite happy to have her since August 2017. It's been that long since the last time I updated this blog, and she was one of the more recent additions to my life, which I feel so happy knowing she's there, which means I am not alone even when I'm back to my haven. 

I knew a few friends on Discord back in 2017, and sad to say I had left them behind because I'm such a doofus. Luckily, I got to know a lot more new comrade since almost near the end of 2017, so yeah, they are the new replacement to the people I didn't say goodbye to. Woah, this part makes me sound like such an asshole, but I'm just going along with what's in my mind right now, not even considered to check the route I'm participating in. I mean, as long as I typed there and here that describes the things I went through after a while, it should be good, ain't it? Forsaking personal information from leaking, of course. Anyway, my taste in watching anime also had changed now. I don't hate male because modern feminism sucks and I'm also a guy, therefore it would be bad for me to hate my kind. What does this exactly have any relevance with? Well, let's jump into the third paragraph. 

So, I quit watching anime with a male protagonist now, because after watching anime tenaciously since 2012, I had realized just how sucks the majority of them are. Sure, there are some good ones and I still love Luffy from One Piece because he's such a cool dude. Then again, I might be biased towards it due to liking the franchise since 2010. A lot of these new anime also got harem in the genre, and being one of the most worse genres there is in quite possibly the entirety of the entertainment medium, I opted to hate the whole nine yard, driven to a breakpoint after watching Isekai Smartphone a while back because I think it treats me, the consumer like a piece of shit and I also can't believe how the ever elusive bastard that has zero flaws whatsoever could be married up to 9 girls. Yeah, so what the fuck is with that garbage, honestly? It panders so much to virgin and I am one, yet I'm so fucking annoyed by such trash because at least I have some fucking dignity somewhere. Whoever that loves the goddamn thing must have a screw or two loose, I believe, and the fact that the original light novel that it is adapted from is still continuing is just icing on an already rotting piece of cake filled with vomits. But enough about it. 

Little did I remember that I watched yuri since ages ago, and I took quite a bit of liking to Aoi Hana, which was made into a post that I have zero clues what I wrote about years ago but yeah, it's there. Ever since I started to have a bias towards seeing male lead shows, and developed an insane amount of hatred to harem, I started to enjoy more of yuri, and what CGDCT, which stands for cute girls doing cute things offers. These type of shows are filled with insane cuteness, and I feel like I am at my absolute happiness seeing girls that adored one another, thanks to Konohana Kitan that partially responsible for igniting my passion, had also lead me towards the creation of a Whatsapp group that focused on yuri. I had made the group by November of 2017 (man, I sure quote this year a lot), and it's still active until today, currently serving as the most active place that I'm at and wouldn't ever leave behind, plus all of my lovely friends are there too. Those guys give so much meaning for me, and I wouldn't want to lose them. 

Ending this post here, I guess. I may be back if I actually have more mood in doing this again. Just wanted to tell a piece or two of the memory I've been passing upon. 

It's 2021.

Oh, hell yeah. It's 2021 and I am still alive. So much has changed since then, and yet, I think there's not much that had at all, which is nice because some of the things that I think shouldn't change didn't have many changes, therefore keeping me feeling particular, overwhelmed with certain mood and expressions, depending on the subject at hands, of course. I could be happy at one sight, and sad at the next if such a thing is to describe to be in a unique set of circumstances. Oh, hell, who am I kidding with this absolute travesty of a way to start a beginning paragraph?  

I grew older by a few more years, had quite the amount of experiences since then, also finished my study that ended up bringing me to nowhere but instead the life of mounting debts. They hadn't come after me yet, but I knew that someday they would, and I could only hope that I am capable of handling those issues. It is also my fault that I had been ensnared in this grievous situation, so it is only suitable that I handled it alone, even then that took into consideration a person or two would provide assistance, and yeah, I don't think anybody could, or would. 

My English speaking skill, or maybe just typing skill, in an essence, remains the same or may have worsened throughout the years. I still struggle with basic grammar, nowadays used Grammarly to help with the construction of my sentence, and God knows how bad could I even utter English letters now, considering I have quite the rare chances to encounter people that even knew the most basic of this language in my daily life. I got some friends online that knew, but the interaction is limited to such as this, typing and reading, as I am not at all that fond of using my voice to engage in a communication with someone far nowadays, though if I had the mood, I'll still do it. Maybe there's an obvious display of repeating usage of words, and that, I couldn't fix I supposed, because maybe I'm too lazy. 

I can't say that I didn't cringe upon seeing my older posts here, even the ones from 2017 are bad, much worse the older ones from 2013. I'm just fascinated knowing this blog that practically means little for me does bear bearing of importance, perhaps as documentation of past life and the progress I had gone through. Sure, I don't update it all the time, and this post was made after 4 years, I think? But, I'm still keeping track, and it just so happens that I finally have the determination to write a thing or two here, regarding updates of whatever I deemed of having sufficient importance for me to write about it here. 

Ever since I left college, or university whatever I lose quite the time, maybe even a year worth in just sitting at home, and I justified doing it because I'm the errand boy at home and without me, nothing could be done including chores and there being nobody that could take my little sister back from school, while there's gonna be nobody that could take care of my wheelchair-bound mother. Even if it does has an attached truthfulness to the sentiment, at the end of the day, it was just me being lazy and wanting to do no work among the craze infested world that is the society. My father got mad at me after some time, and I was forced to search for a job or two, which I had obtained around the end of October, becoming a security guard, a job that is infused with so much negative stigma due to how bad the salary was, but thankfully, it's no longer so in the modern-day and by the time I had joined the workforce. It's a pretty tough job at first, but like with many things, I got accustomed to it and nowadays had known a lot about the in and out of this career after dabbing in it for 2 years and a half. I still can't believe how trashy the teachers were back in my youth, as they had built this certain perception that being a guard is a job only meant for the lowest in the hierarchy, and I wouldn't believe that even by an inch. I wouldn't lie I was sceptical at first due to the bad belief I had been ingrained with, but thankfully, it all went well, albeit there is quite the number of things that I had to suffer through, which I wouldn't mention here because it's just gonna breach my privacy and I'm not intending on forming a bad name for anyone. A job is still a job, and what matters is that it is honest work, and it's okay to even be engrossed by a series of unfortunate complications, as long as you earn your money with efforts. 

I guess that's all I could say for now. I already took quite the time typing everything here, and I am still at work too and haven't had breakfast yet. Maybe I'll update some more soon, or maybe years later, who knows. Judging by my previous record, I am just overwhelmingly lazy.